We're Not in the 90's Anymore
by SecretAgentYoy
Summary: When Bobby is tasked with the job of killing Harambe, he bravely fulfills his duty. But the world in 2016 isn't as it was in the late 90's. Will the Hill family, lost in time, survive 2016's social justice warriors and Alt Right, working together to avenge the murder of America's favorite gorilla?


_Previously on King of the Hill_

 _"There really is nothing to be afraid of about this millennium. Heck, the year 2000 only happens once in the history of man, and we're darn lucky to see it happen. Peggy, do you remember how excited you were when you rolled over the odometer in your Buick? Well, imagine if the whole world had been in that car with you." Hank tells his family, reassuring them that there's no need to worry about the 21_ _st_ _century rapidly approaching them._

 _"Hey, there's Heimlich County's newest hero." Governor Bush said as he shook hands with young Bobby Hill._

 _"I was just in the right place at the right time, like any hero." Bobby proudly responded to the governor of Texas._

 _"And I'm the boy's dad." Hank proudly bragged to the governor._

 _"And I need your vote, partner." Bush reached out and shook Hank's hand._

 _"Well, you've got it, Governor Bush." Hank tried to hide his disgust for Governor Bush's limp handshake._

2:00 AM CT; Houston Zoo, May 21, 2016

A black limousine drives up to the gorilla enclosure on this warm, clear night, preceded and followed by two secret service vehicles. Out of the limo, steps former US president George W. Bush. Flanked by secret service on both sides, he is escorted through a door and lead into the gorilla enclosure. A silverback gorilla, moving from across the exhibit on all fours, charges towards the former president before coming to a halt.

"Mr. President, what can I do for you?" Kayla, the female silverback gorilla, asks of the former commander-in-chief.

"Kayla, it's good to see you again. I wish I was here under better circumstances but we have a problem." The former president states in his signature friendly-but-serious tone of voice.

Kayla's face drops knowing what the former president is about to say next.

"Your son Harambe. The NSA traced some classified documents that were uploaded to Wikileaks to an IP address at the Arlen Zoo. They conducted an investigation thinking it was an employee, but instead discovered that Harambe, age 17, is a radical ideologue bent on taking down the USA. In addition to the Wikileaks documents, he has uploaded numerous 9/11 truth videos to the website YouTube. He is a liability, Kayla." The president waited somberly for Kayla's reaction.

"I told that foolish boy if he knows what's good for him, that he best keep his mouth shut." Kayla was silent for a moment before sighing. "Alright. You have my blessing. I'll need to take out a hefty life insurance policy on him. Just make it quick and painless. I don't want him to suffer."

"You have my word, Kayla. And let me just say that The US government cannot thank you enough for your service."

The two shook hands and the president was off.

12:12 PM CT; May 28, 2016, Arlen Zoo, Arlen, TX

"Hey Dad, you ever wonder what it's like to be a monkey?" Bobby, aged 29, asked his father. Bobby grew up to be a 29 year old obese virgin mullet-sporting, neckbeard who still loves at home, much to his father's disapproval.

"Do hwat? What kind of asinine question is that?" Hank, looking fairly the same, but with a few more wrinkles and grays, rolled his eyes. "That man ain't right."

"Hey Dad, I'm gonna go to the gift shop." Bobby left his father's side and entered the overpriced marketing establishment known as the Arlen Zoo Gift Shop.

"Alright then. Don't buy anything over $15 dollars." Hank warned his son, worried that he would spend money on some asinine stuffed animal or snowglobe.

Bobby was looking at the rubber snakes when he felt someone step up behind him. He turned around and to his surprise, it was the 43rd president of the United States.

"Bobby Hill, is it?" The president greeted him in a warm and welcoming tone.

"Mr. President! You remember me?" Bobby shouted excitedly.

"How could I forget the boy who saved that poor pig from drowning? Listen, your country needs you. There is a terrorist here at this zoo, hiding in plain sight."

"Oh my God!" Bobby tensed up.

The president pulled out a poster which showed Harambe's face and information.

"Public enemy numero one. Harambe, age 17, race: silverback gorilla. He is a suspect in numerous crimes, including working with a foreign adversary to shape the outcome of this election against my dear friend Secretary Clinton. He has also been desperately trying to reveal that I was behind 9/11… I.. I mean.. that ISIS was behind 9/11 and he is trying to help ISIS create another far bigger 9/11 and must be stopped." The president sweated a little catching himself from revealing too much.

"Good God! I'll help in any way I can!" Bobby, thrilled with the idea of serving his country, missed the clue left by the 43rd president.

"I hear you're a good shot, son." Bush said

"I'm an excellent shot, sir!" Bobby enthusiastically proclaimed, jumping a little when he said it.

"Take this rifle, then young Bobby. You know how to operate it?"

"Yes, sir!"

"A kid is going to accidentally fall into the enclosure. Wait about five minutes, until everyone is panicking. Then, shoot Harambe in the head. You'll be hailed as a hero for saving the poor boy, and our country will be safe. Can you follow these orders?"

"I sure can, Mr. President." Bobby could barely contain his excitement.

Later that day, Bobby and President Bush stood by the gorilla enclosure. President Bush saw a young two-year-old boy being ignored by his mother, who was busy playing Flappy Bird on her smartphone. Wearing a mustache and sunglasses for a disguise, Bush picked up the boy and threw him into the gorilla enclosure, whistling innocently the whole time so as not to draw any suspicion. The crowd screamed when they saw the boy fall in. Bobby locked and loaded his rifle and waited.

"Young boy, how did you fall into this enclosure?" Harambe asked curiously of the small child.

"That man he threw me here." The boy pointed at the mysterious man with the sunglasses and mustache. Harambe could see threw his disguise.

"Oh no…" Harambe knew they were making a move to eliminate him. He knew this was his execution day.

"Quick. We don't have much time!" Harambe grabbed the boy, dragging him through the water and into a hidden alcove in the enclosure. The crowd screamed when they saw them.

"Sorry about that. Listen, they're going to kill me. I accept my death, but my mission must live on. We are on the brink of disaster. World War III. 90% of the world population will perish. Every government will fall. Militias will replace them, and then the Illuminati will step in and establish the New World Order. It all starts with Hillary Clinton. You must spread the message! Only Trump can save the world! Now for the big secret. I just discovered what happened to the planes involved in 9/11. They never hit the towers. The planes were diverted to a secret location. Everyone on board is still alive to this day! They're being kept in a top-secret government prison, but once they're discovered and released, they will be the best living testament to what really took place on September 11th. My son, to find them, you must go to-" BAM!

Harambe lay dead in the water, his brains splattered all over the rock walls of the enclosure. The crowd gave a mix of cheers and screams as the boy was lifted out and away from the dead gorilla.

"I did it! I saved America!" Bobby shouted with joy. He was shocked however when he looked around and saw mostly glares aimed at him.

Bobby found President Bush as he was slipping into his limousine.

"Mr. President! Mr. President! I did it! I shot Harambe! I saved America!"

The president looked anxious.

"Bobby, I need to get going. Good job there, son. You can keep the rifle." With that said, Bush tapped the ceiling of the limo, closed the door, and before Bobby could ask any further questions, the president was gone.

"Bobby?" Bobby turned around and saw his father approaching him with a look of shock. "Bobby, what the hell is going on? Where have you been? Did you hear about the gorilla getting shot? And why the hell are you holding that rifle?"

"Dad, I shot the gorilla. He was a terrorist. President Bush had me shoot him. I saved America from a terrorist attack." Bobby proclaimed gleefully.

"You did hwat? Bobby, we need to leave." Hank said anxiously looking around.

"Why Dad? I'm an American hero." Bobby said proudly, but as he looked around, he got an unsettling feeling. That feeling when you sense that everyone around you despises you. Everyone that walked past him glared at him as if they wished he were dead.

Hank and Bobby left the zoo amidst death glares from the other zoo patrons. As they drove back home, Hank tried to get an understanding of everything that had happened.

"Bobby, why exactly did you shoot Harambe?"

"Dad, you know President Bush, right?"

"Ugh, I remember his hand shake." Hank recoiled in disgust at the thought of President Bush's limp hand.

"He told me that he remembered that time I saved that pig from drowning. He said I have the makings of an American hero, and that only I could save America from the likes of Harambe. Dad, he said Harambe was working with our enemy to sabotage Hillary Clinton! And! He said Harambe was working with ISIS to create another terrorist attack!"

"This whole thing doesn't smell right to me." Hank was concerned. At the zoo, he overheard others crying about Harambe's death. He heard others saying they would bring Harambe's killer to justice.

After they pulled into the driveway, Hank joined up with Dale and Bill in the alley. Boomhauer a few years back retired, bought an RV, and is traveling North America. Dale, aged 59, looks about 80 given decades of chain-smoking, and Bill, who now wears glasses regularly, doesn't look too different, other than the white hair ring around his head and the few extra pounds.

"Yep." "Yep. "Yup." The three men said one after the other.

"He's moving back in." Bill said angrily while sipping his beer.

"Ugh, Bill, if you don't want Lucky living at your house, just tell him no." Hank told Bill for possibly the hundredth time in the past 5 years.

"When a man loves a woman, he has to make sacrifices. Lucky sure is a fitting name. He doesn't know how lucky he is, to have a beautiful woman such as Luanne be head over heels for him. And he treats her like garbage."

Just as they were talking about him, Lucky pulls into bill's driveway with his all-too-familiar black F-150, a truck that was paid with money Luanne gave to Lucky, which in turn Bill had given to Luanne.

"Bastard." Bill mutter under his breath.

"Uncle Bill! Uncle Bill!" Luanne screams as she runs out of the truck and across the alley. Luanne, about age 35 now, has not aged particularly well, having put on a good amount of weight. "Uncle Bill, Lucky's taking me to dinner tonight but he said he doesn't have enough money to pay for my meal." Luanne began to break down crying.

"Here you go, Luanne." Bill pulled out a $50 bill and gave it to her.

"Luanne! You give that right back to him!" Hank said angrily.

"I'm sorry, did I hear something? It sounds like the voice of someone who is no longer my uncle." Luanne said without looking in Hank's direction.

"It's alright, Hank. I don't mind." Bill responded.

"Thank you, Uncle Bill!" Luanne hugged him. "You're the best uncle ever! The kids are staying with their grandma tonight so you have the house to yourself." Luanne ran off and jumped into Lucky's truck.

"Well, I guess it will be nice to have the night off." Bill said to the guys.

"Bill, this is ridiculous. Lucky and Luanne are adults. They are perfectly capable of paying for themselves." Hank said as he took another sip of Alamo beer.

"Hank, I am in love with Luanne, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It's my duty to pay for her meals and buy things for her kids. Someday, Hank. Someday, she'll wake up and see how a real man is supposed to treat her." Bill sighed and drank from his can.

"Dicks out for Harambe!" Dale shouted after staying silent for a few minutes.

"Dicks out!" Bill followed after.

"Ugh, language!" Hank was disgusted.

"Hank, a tragedy happened today at the Arlen Zoo. Did you hear? Some evil, heartless bastard killed Harambe the gorilla!" Dale proclaimed

"I considered Harambe a role model." Bill began to cry.

"I've already begun my investigation into who the culprit is. I've narrowed it down to Hillary Clinton and former president George W Bush." Dale stated as Hank began to sweat.

"Well, ugh, I'm sure whoever shot him had their reasons." Hank laughed nervously.

"They had their reasons alright. Harambe knew too much." Dale puffed on a cigarette.

"Dad! Dad!" Joseph, now fully grown with a pony tail, ran out of the house. "Dad, it was Bobby! Bobby Hill! He killed Harambe! They just said it in the news!" Joseph, his wife Juana, and their 7 kids recently moved in with Dale. Back in 2006, Nancy left Dale for a much older millionaire in Dallas. She left him with the house and a broken heart. In the divorce, it came out that Joseph's biological father is John Redcorn. Dale eventually accepted the news and embraced his son Joseph regardless.

Both Bill and Dale turned towards Hank with angry looks. Hank nervously tried to head inside.

"Well, ugh, I have a busy day tomorrow at Strickland so I better get to sleep. See y'all tomorrow." Hank went inside and locked the door.

"Gorilla killer!" Hank could hear Dale shouting from outside.

Bobby was on his computer reading all of the vitriol people were writing about him. _I don't understand. I'm an American hero. Why do they all hate me?_

"Hank. How could you let Bobby shoot that gorilla? Do you realize what you guys have brought on this family now?" Peggy angrily confronted Hank in their bedroom. Peggy, like Hank, looks relatively the same, minus the wrinkles and gray hair. The Hill family has managed to stay stuck in the year 2000, despite the world changing rapidly around them.

"Peggy, I had no idea what was happening. I didn't see any of it." Hank defended himself.

"The world is a different place now. It's not like how it was. Everyone knows what Bobby did and they'll be coming for him." Peggy began to cry. Hank sat beside her, hugged her, and tried to reassure her.

"My God, it's just a gorilla. The world might be different, but people haven't gone that insane. The next few weeks might be difficult but people will move on." Hank tried to reassure himself, but he's seen how the world has changed. He knows it's not his world anymore, and he might be facing the consequences fairly soon.

Everyone went to bed, but the night wasn't over. Not by a long shot.


End file.
